i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Randomize
