I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
