btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i can't believe i had my finger in that
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
