I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
