my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
