I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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