no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We talked him into tasing himself.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
