I think my fart just growled at me.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Sober January is a disaster.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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