You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just found a bag of teeth...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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