What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
