I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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