remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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