It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
