Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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