i barfeds in our rink
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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