So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
