His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
