Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
