three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
