I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
