plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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