i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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