I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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