you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
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I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
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Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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