grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
