woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
