Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
