which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
this will be a night to untag.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
