I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Someone came in the potted fern
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Randomize
