fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
