CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
