I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected