and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.