when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Randomize
