My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
