Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Shame - the story of my life.
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