I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Randomize
