but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
