good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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