operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
