Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
