We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
