There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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