Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
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I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
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Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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