doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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