I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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