So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
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