Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
