Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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