we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
