So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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