Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
