we have pet lesbian snakes
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
