I cannot find my penis.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
