My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
