Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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