so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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