why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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