And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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