I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
