I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
