There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
