My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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