I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
