We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
