just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
