I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Randomize