I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
