What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize