Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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