So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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