My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
