He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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