If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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