Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
this is an emotional support booty call
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
