I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
zippers are such a cool invention
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
