:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
