The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Randomize
