so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Fuck appropriateness.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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